Look My Way
by strychix
Summary: You see it in children all the time. People want attention, and sometimes negative reactions is the only way to get that. It's no different for geniuses, they just feel even more ashamed about it, it's below them. WARNING: Lots of words.
1. Anger and Apologies

I don't own nothin'.

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Near beat Mello at everything.

The white haired wonder was more skilled and more intelligent and more creative than he was. Everything from grades to the amount of time it took to immaculately clean his room. There wasn't anything Mello could do that Near couldn't to better, and perhaps the only thing Mello had over Near was social skills. This, however, was dampened by the fact that Mello's only true friend, Matt, had attempted to become friends with Near first. And while Mello had quite a few friendly relationships, some people liked him and some people did not. Nobody hated Near... Well, except Mello that is. Everyone always, always invited Near places - even though they knew he would turn them down. People both admired and respected Near, adored him. Everyone wanted to be his friend, everyone wanted to be awknowledged by him, but no one ever reached him. He was unattainable, and that made him all the more sacred. N simply didn't need the social skills Mello had in order to steal even popularity away from him.

It was an insult. But perhaps the greatest insult was that none of this affected Near. Near didn't seem to try at anything, never worked hard. The boy didn't even notice he was so important because he simply did not care. Mello, like social skills, had ambition, a desire to win. He worked hard at everything he did - even if it was in effort to defeat the angelic creature - and still got nowhere. All the while, Mello just got ignored by his biggest adversary. Not even worth the glance his way, not even looked upon as a threat. Near was just so full of himself that he thought he was too good to talk to the scum around him, that must have been it.

Everything about Near made Mello want to spit.

So it was no surprise when another test went by and later Mello would find Near and punch him and kick him and say the cruelest things he could imagine. One could even say that Near had always braced himself on the day the scores of anything were posted, ready for Mello's attempt at vengence. The only thing he could avenge was his pride. However, despite Mello's threats, he had always been genuinely surprised that Near never retaliated, never told a soul, not once did he tell the truth about his scars and his bruises. Certainly, everybody knew. A lot of people hated Mello for hating Near, and immediately jumped to the correct assumptions. They were geniuses afterall. Yet Mello would overhear Near tell lies about how a tower of wooden blocks had fallen on him, or he had rolled out of his top bunk in the middle of the night, or even that he had simply fallen down a flight of stairs. Mello was even sure that in between lies, weeks after any incident, Near would make a public display of hurting himself. Near certainly didn't want the attention but he had to be perfectly aware that he never actually was clumsy, and that a bit of a show would be the only way to cement such stories.

And while it ensured Mello's safety, it was just another way of taunting him. It simply said that Near wouldn't be affected by his abuse. Mello just wasn't strong enough to do that kind of damage.

Near would have to be an idiot if he wasn't aware of just how often Mello watched him. A glowering gaze fixated on him whether Near was looking back or not. Mello certainly wasn't shy but to be honest he didn't stare at Near constantly either. The two of them didn't see eachother as much as one would initially expect, Mello always seemed to be drawn to crowds and Near could usually be found where other people were not. And even when they were in the same room, it wasn't like Mello would just stare at him. He had other things to do, obviously, with all his hard work trying to beat his rival. There were even days on end when Mello would ignore Near's existence and would avoid looking his way at all.

But when the blonde did look his way, Near could instinctively feel it. Sometimes he looked back, sometimes he did not. It didn't matter either way, because it was always a cold look, dead eyes just clancing back at him. Perhaps Mello didn't even stare at Near enough to write home about, if there was a home to write to, but the sheer fact was that Mello looked his way more than anyone else, and with more intensity. Anger, betrayal, hatred; it was all sent his way via Mello's gaze. The blonde never just happened to glance in the boy's direction, no, instead he was always looking directly at him or he wasn't facing his way.

And it was one day, when a particularly difficult series of test scores came back all in one day, and Mello ranked second in all of them, there was no question to Near what would happen. He did not see Mello all day that day, not from avoiding him but because he was sure Mello was brooding somewhere, breaking things. He did not go looking for him. However, he knew what was coming to him. His punishment for doing well. If these children had parents, someone to praise them, there would be no punishment for being second - and even less so for being first. They were geniuses, they were the most elite in the world. But the pressure was enough to drive you mad. And they were mad, every single one of them, just all in different ways.

So when the lights were out and the children were asleep, Near had stayed silently in his room since before nightfall. Waiting for Mello, for he was sure to come to give him his serving of retribution. Hour by hour ticked by and sometime in the early hours of morning, Mello barged into Near's room, shaking with anger. However, the blonde was caught offguard by Near standing. Standing, facing the door, waiting for his arrival. The first thing that went through the second best at everything was that Near was finally going to take a stand, defend himself. However, in the dark he could tell that he had just been waiting. Nothing more, nothing less. Cursing mentally at himself for expecting to be awknowledged in that way, he got even more upset.

It was only a moment before white hair was pulled forward as the thin legs of the older boy connected with his stomach. Caughing silently due to impact, Near simply fell limp in Mello's grasp. Pale neck was taken on by large hands and he was thrown up against the wall, fingers grasping his throat and cutting off his ability to breathe. It was then that Mello whispered angrily at him, audibly verging on screaming. "Who do you think you are? You're a fucking freak, okay? What makes you so god damned special, Near?" He pulled the young man from the wall and crashed him back against it. Glad that Near and Mello's rooms were the only ones on this side of the stairwell, he continued. "I really hate you, you know that? I should fucking do the world a favor and kill you." And in that moment he realized that Near was turning a bit blue. Loosening up for a moment, Near caught a few gasps of air as quietly as one could, considering. In the meantime, Mello punched him in the gut while suffocating him again with just one hand.

"Thanks to you, I look like a mere delinquent. If you didn't exist, there would be no question who was the best here. My life would be better if you'd just curl up and die already." Mello's face contorted with rage as he looked at Near's eyes. Near only looked disinterested in everything that was happening, his body like a dead fish against the wall. "You're a waste of hide." And, in that moment, Mello was saying what he knew to be true. Without emotions, what's the point in the body?

Near finally moved, which in itself caught the older orphan offguard. A hand grabbed the wrist holding his neck in place lightly, causing Mello to simply roll his eyes and let go of his victim, who prompty fell to the ground like a sack of potatos. Not quite satisfied, Mello kicked the collapsed Near in the hip. Kicking a man while he was down was not something Mello was necessarily against, if that man happened to be the white speck that was ruining his life. Growling, still not finished but not really wanting to continue, he began to leave the room.

"I'm sorry." Near's voice, while raspy and injured from the beatings, rung clearly through the room. He was not whispering. Mello stopped and spun around to look at the boy who had spoken to him. Near had never before talked to him during or after the beatings, and rarely right before. Frustrated with the apology, which seemed completely out of place, he left the room and slammed the door. Couldn't he at least react like a normal human being after getting the shit kicked out of him?

Now that Mello was gone, silence filled the empty room until he heard Mello's door slam down the hall. "I'm sorry, Mello." 


	2. Bothers and Beatings

Mello did not come back that night, nor in the morning before class started. Near sat in the same place, staring at the door, awake. Finally, when he knew everyone was up and that Mello was for sure not coming back to his room today, he stood slowly and grabbed the comforter off his untouched bed. Wrapping it around himself tightly, starting at his chin, he walked down the hall. Everyone was awake but no one was really out and about yet. Step by step he made his way down the stairs until until he got to the level below and went to a room he knew to be owned by a kid about his size. Knocking lightly, he made sure the blanket did not leave him.

A boy a year younger than him and about his size answered the door. They looked entirely different but they were both around the same height, and both skinny. The person inside the room, however, looked strong - where he looked frail. With black hair and blue eyes, the boy looked at Near in a surprised fashion. "Near? Hi!" It was obvious the boy felt elated that the legendary Near would be standing at his door. Near looked at him with a deadpan look but that did not seem to bother the kid.

"I am not feeling well today, and I am cold." He said, indicating the blanket with a slight shrug. "I was wondering if I could borrow some warmer clothes. Today's lesson is important so I cannot miss it." This, of course, was a lie. Everything was a lie. It seemed ironic that one of the many reasons he didn't make an effort to be social was that people would only lie to him, and yet here he was lying yet again. However the kid nodded and welcomed Near in excitedly. "Thank you." He said distantly, quietly as the boy rummaged through his belongings.

"No problem. I could see why you wouldn't have anything warm, you're always wearing those pajamas that work fine since you're not really someone that goes outdoors when it's chilly." He brought out a white turtle neck sweater and white jeans. Exactly as planned. "Here, I figured you'd like to keep wearing white." The boy said, smiling.

"Thanks." Near murmured as he took the clothing. "I better go now, I don't want to get you sick as well." With that he left, leaving the child to his own devices. What he could probably guess, but didn't really care to know, was that the child was smiling tremendously at the thought that Near cared if he got sick from him.

The white haired boy reached his room and immediately got dressed. Sighing apathetically, he fidgeted as he stood before the mirror. Constricting. Perhaps they weren't tight clothing but they were not the loose hanging layer of light cotton he was used to. Taking it all the way, he got out a pair of tube socks he wore only when forced to go outside with shoes on and put them on. There was no reason for people to question him now. He stared at the mirror again, twirling his finger in his hair. His eyes looked at the turtle neck as he pulled a portion of the shirt down to reveal his neck to himself for the first time since he had been clung so tightly. As he had already known just fromt he pain, dark red bruises were revealed as he moved his finger from one side to another of his neck, revealing slowly a dark circle cut off only in the middle, where due to less holding there, was only a faint pink that nonetheless stood out against his alabaster skin.

With that, he left his room, already late for breakfast and knowing he would just make it to class - since he refused to run.

Mello sat in the class, glaring at his desk, fuming at the existence of Near. Near hadn't come to class yet, which surprised him because Near was generally already here, playing with toys, when he got here. Pulling out a chocolate bar, he opened it roughly and snapped off a peice with his teeth.

"No food in the classroom." Reached his ears, making his head snap to Matt who wasn't even looking at him.

"Shut the fuck up." Mello growled, kicking Matt's desk and throwing it off kilter. Matt didn't care to notice. Looking around, he noticed that everyone was here except Near. This should have made him happy, instead it made him suspicious. He could even hear the two other kids except him and Matt in the room asking where N was to each other and discussing the possibilities. Near was important even when he wasn't there. Another bite of his chocolate snapped into his mouth.

This class only had five people in it. The top five currently in lead to becoming the next L. All these children had 'letters', such as M and N, except Matt - who surprised everyone by saying that the only letter he would take on was L's. To many, it seemed like a pact of determination but Mello knew he just didn't see the point in having a letter if he someday became L and already had the alias of Matt. Matt was perhaps smarter than all of them in that, he didn't let his excitement get the best of him and take on a letter because it was similar to L's situation. He did not need unnecessary things like that.

It was in that moment, where he had been thinking about Matt instead of Near, that the snow-like being walked into the room. Everyone in the room looked at him, even the teacher who had just recently arrived. Despite the fact that he was wearing white like usual, he wasn't wearing his usual pajamas. Everyone stared at him with wonderment as he sat at his desk. The other two was concerned, quite suddenly proclaiming that he must be feeling under the weather and cold, or else he wouldn't be wearing such warm clothing inside during the fall months.

Mello caught on when Near shifted uncomfortably in his heavy white clothing, the twirling finger leaving it's spot at the side of his head to momentarily touch his covered neck before quickly reaching into his notebook and slowly ripping out a page, folding it into a frog. Then another. And another.

The blonde had to smile to himself, so Near actually had to endure this one. He was in pain, and not only that, he was in discomfort from having to hide the taint on his pearly skin. Generally, it upset him when Near tried to hide that he was hurt by Mello, but this was different. Near could make it hard for other people to see he was in pain, but the white hair boy couldn't forget it himself and what's more, despite his efforts, he couldn't hide it from Mello either. No one knew but Mello. The blonde smiled evilly as he nibbled his chocolate, the action much different than the barbaric munching he had been doing earlier.

"What did you do to him, moron?" It was Matt again. Mello looked at him incredulously. "Don't play stupid, just because there's never been proof you haven't done anything doesn't mean I don't know you did it." It was in this moment, that Mello was glad that only him and Matt sat at the back end of the class, whispering to each other often. Now, however, it was only bringing Mello down from his elation.

"I don't know what you're talking about."

"Whatever." Matt responded, giving up. But Mello knew that this was taken to mean that Matt was angry at him for the moment. They'd never stop being friends, and they never fought. But that didn't mean Matt would have to talk to him. Back in a foul mood, Mello looked at Near, who had successfully lined up an army of white paper frogs across his desk. He started a new layer, stacking them on top of the previous paper amphibians. Mello shook his head and began to actually listen to the teacher, who now had started actually talking about the lesson.

Mello always had to pay attention in class, unlike Near. Near could retain information without listening intently. In fact, it was better off if he was keeping his hands busy. One leg was painfully held between himself and the desk portion of the seat, however it wasn't because of the cramped area, which he was used to, but because of the jeans he wore. That and the previous night's swift kick to the hip made sitting this way painful enough. However, Near did not really have a choice in the matter. Changing his attire was one thing, changing his mannerisms was another.

So for four hours he sat like that, by which time he had moved to the left two desks. The first one was covered in frogs, the second in cranes, and was now, instead of making any more oragami animals, was simply folding them into small boxes and towering them into a cityscape. This was normal for him, so much so that there was a dedicated row in the classroom so he could just move over when he had gotten bored of the last activity. He, in his inattention, had not brought any of his own toys with him today and was getting bored of paper at all when it became lunch time. As usual, the white tipped boy waited until everyone else filed out of the class, Mello passing by him with a smirk. Near simply watched with a blank look, wondering if it meant that Mello was satisfied with the beating he had given Near or if it meant that more was on it's way. Either or, he decided it would be best not to be around people now so he got up and directed himself to the library, leaving the handmade toys behind and slowly making his way down the hall.

Despite the dead look in his eyes, and the quirky way he did things, people could not help but notice that he was a serene creature. He never seemed clumsy at all, which made the injuries he obtained all the more suspicious. One hand twirled in his hair while the other one tugged aimlessly at the hem of his shirt as he made his way to the library. The library was cavernous and cathedral like, books lining multiple rows around a sitting area. It was ironic, though, how what was possibly the most expensive and expansive part of this orpahnage was also the most desolate and unused. It made sense. Kids would take a book, read it in no time, put it back and never return to it. They were geniuses who didn't need to read the same thing twice, nor did they really have the time or desire for luxury reading. So it was here that he came during most lunches. Despite missing breakfast, he wasn't hungry. In fact, Near barely ever ate. Even when he did show up for meals, he'd poke around at his food, eat a few bites, start stacking them, and then throw it away when most people were done. However, his lack of appetite wasn't the real reason he had come to the library today. No, in fact you could say that the reason he had come to the library had made him lose his appetite.

And that reason was because Mello was now sneaking in through the door. He found Near sitting on the ground working on a puzzle that had been set out by him days before. Already one fourth of the way done, Mello approached, boots clomping on the ground next to Near. "Near, do you know why I followed you here?"

The answer was simple. "You're not satisfied." It wasn't a question. In fact, unless Near was in fact looking for information, he never had a question in his tone. There were never any guesses. "You plan on hitting me, kicking me, choking me. Whatever it takes to beat me..." The last part was a murmur, but Mello heard it nonetheless. Swiftly, his fist hit Near's jaw and sent him crashing to the ground.

By the time Near looked up at the blonde again, the punch had been flung back and was again reeling towards his face. Near looked Mello straight in the eyes as the punch landed on his own right eye. The hand not assaulting Near's face had grabbed his shirt and pulled him up off the ground and threw him sideways. It was in that moment that Near noticed, but Mello did not, someone in the doorway suddenly disappearing back into the hall. A leather clad foot met Near in the already injured hip and that brought out a gasp of pain from the white haired boy. Groaning as his body was lifted by the kick and thudding back onto the floor, his fingers grasped to the ground under him, which immediately cracked. This caught the attention of the young genius and made his head snap downward to see that he was now atop his white puzzle, which already unfinished had been torn apart from the struggle and had some blood on it. Near winced as his hair was grabbed and his head pulled up, making the rest of his body follow. Near caught a glimpse of Mello then, eyes ablaze and staring at him, brow furrowed, mouth slightly open and in a frown as he panted from the fight and from uncontrollable anger. Near could even feel the anger making the blonde shake. A blow to the stomach made him double over slightly, hair still in Mello's fist.

And as another hit darted into his abdomen, Near's hands moved on their own, grabbing ahold of Mello's vest. Clinging to the black clothe. Mello seemed to stop, hair being loosened though not let go of. Near looked up to Mello, eye black and swollen, and for a moment their eyes met. Mello's gaze back to it's usual hate but not as angry and out of control, Near's eyes just as blank but somehow less distant.

Then there were people on them, pulling them apart. It took even Near a moment to realize there was no reason to still cling to Mello's shirt. Had there been a reason in the first place? Older children held Near protectively, and he suddenly felt trapped and nervous. He didn't want to be touched by these people. Mello was being pulled back by people around his own age. When successfully pulled apart, Matt came between the two of them, faced Mello, and slapped him square on the cheek.

"You're a real fucking idiot."


End file.
